so like, i still am having this freaky muscular spasmy thing going on. the spasm is like a metaphor for my life right now, aptly. as i sit here typing, my cat has just puked. My other, non-puking cat and the puking cat are now converging over the ripe puke and looking at me as if i should do something. i did try to leap into action beforehand but i was a day late with my flimsy napkin. now, the puker is attempting to re-consume the stuff and i'm feeling sick and maybe you reading this are feeling sick as well or maybe there isn't even a 'you' which is cool too so i'll shut up now.

i also, just now can hear someone having sex somewhere in this building, but there shouldn't be anyone doing so and i'm sorta confused and don't know what to do. now, it sounds like someone sobbing. i go to investigate. it's coming from outside. i have no clue what it is. sounds like a human-owl. or an owl who's choking. no fucking clue. just a perfect cap-stone to my weird-ass evening.

starting with...a sincerely annoying and frustrating trip to k-mart. i did get about 5 nice wind chimes with animals on them. i gave the fish one to tharah when i went to pick her up for the movie.we went to the new coen bros. i love their stuff, particularly big lebowski. i never saw raising arizona and i get lectured on it every time i bring it up from larry..that, and st. elmo's fire. i also never saw the big deal about ferris beauler's day off and don't understand why the kind of car he stole from the principal or whatever is a question on who wants to be a millionaire..along with all their other ignoramus questions but that's neither here nor there.

where was i?

oh yes, the film had some flaws throughout the first half, i thought. in typical coen brother style, they did this perry mason spoofy melo-court drama thingy that was sorta funky. they have this knack for being able to part from reality quite often and it still works. well, most of the time.

i thought catherine zeta jones was stunning. in fact, i wondered how she could act and look so aesthetically pleasing, at once. like, for the kiss scene, the continuity of her perfect lipstick was not even interrupted. that was kinda irritating. course, then i got to thinking about expectations..etc..etc..expectations..old husband..commentary film on marriage and divorce..and for that part, it was great. some of the romantic scenes were kinda hokey and it seemed the writers were def. poking fun at both the sanctity of marriage and lawyers..and even the illusion of real integrity on a human level.

oh yea, so movie's out. it's like 11.40. i'm like what do i do with myself now. i suggest a local salsa club. we cant find parking and the parking we do find is like shady as hell. so i sorta drive around aimlessly with T for a while looking for cues. she decides she'd rather go home chill. i drop her off and bag the whole latin idea and head for the gay club. wouldn't you?

i'm driving into the parking lot and the cop is flashing his light right into my car as i drive by. of course, i ignore him, but i realize what he's doing. somehow, that was his numb brain attempt at alerting me to the fact the club is closed. it's 12.20 and i, for one, know it's not closed. i see ppl at the bar thru the window. i just wanna get in for a few to catch up with cj (who's not even there, unbeknown).

long story short, the ass wouldn't let me in. apparently, it's illegal in mass to let patrons into a bar after last call has been announced, so technically, all bars in the half-ass state close at like 12am ..happy clubbing!

so i leave what was my plan b. i remember my plan c just then! robbie said he'd be around a horrible place in nh called grand china. this place stores some bad memories for me, so i figure i'll call. as the number is dialing, i'm hoping he might just wanna have coffee with me or something. i'm way too wired to go home. then i realize, am i sending a weird message if i call a straight guy at 12.29 am, even if i've attempted to make it more than clear that i'm not attracted to him? shit. i then infuse my own awkwardness in to the convo and simultaneously try to sense his, which i do. was it Freud that said analysis is our neuroses?

I pull over. I'm bored. I need human contact. I need a coffee partner. Someone. Anyone. Preferably not mentally ill will suffice. I call like 7 ppl. I call brayd. My buddhist boy in PA who's always around. No dice. No one is available. I'm supposed to go home and be with whatever i'm supposed to be with. I'm pissed. I go home.

I grab CJ's number from my retired cell phone. Call him. He's just left another club. He tells me hes really drunk, but he'll call me if he does "anything other than go home." I'm cold. I get in my PJ's. Chat a bit. Boca Burger-nuke. Lori calls. She just got off work at the club and wants coffee. I'm in my PJ's..i debate..say no, say yes, say no again..say YES, again. We go to Nana's. Lori tells me things that annoy her about her ex-lover using lots of expletives. We're the only two in the diner and I know the owner and the waitress can hear her. I wonder if they are offended. I wonder if they even care or if they think we are trouble-makers. I wonder why i even care what they think, but we head out.

And so we do. During the car-ride home, we exchange a clove cigarette and our mutual frustrations about hooking up and the diff. between hooking up with men and women *she's bi, i'm straight*..and if hooking up implies accountability and why ppl she hooks up with keep calling and why most ppl tend to call too much or not at all. why is there this universal extremes thing in all human behavior, i think. Here's our exit. I wonder why i ponder so much in this town. Does anyone else ponder weird shit like me?


I'm back home again. Round two. It's late. I'm cold. I need to focus when I write, not talk to ppl. Cat is puking. I hear a noise. Sounds like sex or crying or an owl choking.