Dolls

They creep me out and I don't know why. Well, I guess I have an inkling.

I think it's because I watched that movie "Dolls" in 1987.

I was still kinda little.

You know what that movie did to my doll collection?

Made it a living hell.

The only doll I have ever liked/loved was my Raggedy Ann from 1978.

She was a birthday present. She's still around today, but some of her fluff came out when she sprung a leak in the crotch while moving from college. Me, not her. Okay "Us". Jesus.

So my grandmother sewed her up.

I can't make this shit up.

She did.

And we will sometimes joke that it now looks like Raggedy Anne is..well, a real woman now.


Hey, what can I say? I wasn't allowed to hand-pick my DNA.

And you have to admit, that IS kinda funny.

But back to creepy dolls.

Apparently, there is a Doll Hospital in Texas.

Dolls and Texas paired together is super-creeepy.

Texas has the highest rate of execution in the country.
As of last year, more than 60 percent of all American executions took place in Texas.

But it seems the Houston area (enough said) holds claim to this now famous Doll Hospital where the Doll Doctor performs "complete Doll Repair".

And they don't want photos of your Doll's ailments. They want to examine your doll upclose and in person, by their DOCTOR. Doctor Mary Ann.

In order for us to be able to identify your doll's specific problems, it is important that Dr. Mary Ann be able to examine him or her thoroughly.

Either bring your doll in, or ship him or her to us via Postal Services or UPS.

Upon your doll's arrival we will do a complete examination and discuss with you, either in person or by phone, what type of care your doll will require.

An estimate of cost will be given at that time.

Please send your doll complete with clothing and accessories if available.

I guess some people's dolls are like family to them. Sort of like Norman Bates' taxidermied birds were to him.

There was also that infamous movie "Valley of the Dolls" with Sharon Tate which I still cannot watch. I don't even think there are any actual dolls in that film, but you get the point.

I guess it's just fair to say anything associated with Dolls is an automatic rule-out for me. Clowns too, ever since that one dropped out of the ceiling with a fake knife at the Haunted Mansion. The three of us just all fell on the floor...trying to comfort each other.

Thanks guy.