Spring

the geese are passing through again..
it seems spring is not so distant
hoping nature is carrying you through...
through the weirdness, the whateverness,
the cleverness..they only have the meaning
i attach to them.
i can choose the rancor of what has been done to me
or watch the bird sit on this branch,
listen to this beautiful song,
get into this world and ride...
ride..just ride..

i was talking to a friend about powerful connections.
i had one last night with a stranger.

11 years ago, i was student teaching in a peer leadership class
in an alternative program
that i was also in in h.s.
i was trying to garner credits to graduate
there was this young man
named philip
came up real rough.
lots of issues with drugs and alcohol and abuse. textbook upbringing with some twists and turns.
he was very awkward in his own skin,
but very smart. very introverted.
he got in a car accident one night. he was driving.
there were five in the car, i believe..this boy, ian, 15 was riding on someone’s lap.
they wanted to catch air on bluff extension.
they caught a tree instead and ian died.
so last night i met ian’s sister
and her son, named ian, who is 3 years old.
he kept petting holi
saying "you’re such a nice dog"
and he said "i’m named after my uncle who died in the car crash"
i was blown AWAY.
she said she never knew what philip looked like, even at the funeral, where philip showed up with an escort,
no one would tell her who he was as they feared for what she might do.
it felt like she hadn’t talked about her lost brother in a long time and i felt like i tore open the lid, or at least, i peaked inside.
i felt a tad guilty for that, but maybe sometimes things need to be revisited and it seemed like she wanted to talk about it as she brought it up.

i kept wondering why else we crossed each other’s paths on this night? i had a migraine, lacked sleep and didn’t want to really be around anyone.
she cried a little bit and acknowledged she hadn’t talked about her brother in years.
i hugged her before she left and thanked her for being there.
i tried to reassure her that ian’s life was not in vain, but i didn’t really have to--the evidence was sitting right there, a bundle of light, joy, fernetic energy, this 3 year old boy.

before she left, she told me the most amazing thing.
she said that her father didnt want philip to be punished because, as he said "one loss is enough"
and knowing phil, wherever he is, that loss will always weigh on him.
and then i thought to myself, about my major complaints of the day.
a lousy headache, lack of sleep, familial bs.
it all can be filed under Minutia
when I witness a woman like that,
someone so strong, to come through that
with some semblence of sanity,
and two beautiful lights to show for it...
that healing can happen spontaneously
and that love can enter when you least expect it
and when you most need it,
and as a friend says, the power of the human spirt is truly amazing.