Happy Freakin' New Year

I'm not gonna lie--This year has really sucked for me and for my family. But I learned a lot about myself and can look back with at least the knowledge that I kept getting the fuck back up everytime I got knocked down. A lot of traumatic events occurred this year---some of Christmas Past paying another visit, some that are still going on and heart-breaking (like watching my brother go through ANOTHER nasty, custody battle while my nephew's future is placed in the hands of some stranger with a gavel....at the same time my family, specifically my mother, have done everything in their extraordinarily-selfish power to muck the whole fucking thing up); starting a business and having to be a badass b/c people don't wanna pay up, etc.
A lot of people split when the going got tough. My instinct is to want to tell them to go fuck themselves, but I realize that they really just don't get it, don't want to get it, or are just plain self-absorbed.

That said, I've learned who my true friends are--those who didn't back away when I was at my worst...those who offerred gentle support, didn't try to suffocate me with their infinite, one-size-fits-all "WISDOM", those who sang that awful HUMAN LEAGUE song with me in the Tuk-Tuk parking lot. Basically those who were there no matter what even if it was just for coffee--you know who you are and I thank you from the bottom of my heart and I love you dearly.

So after getting back from Paul's just now. I am feeling really grateful. Grateful that I got to ring in the New Year with people who weren't talking about their jobs or what recent purchase they got from IKEA. Ironically, Paul is like one of the most successful professionals I know, but he never boasts about it. I guess that's called being secure in oneself or at least loving what he does so much that it goes with saying, or maybe it's just realizing that the size of your heart is more important than the size of your wallet---CHRIST, i am so prolific sometimes. :)

I can also count on Paul's parties for my frequent dose of unpretentiousness. It's crazy fun---but no one gets stupid or looks at your outfit ten times like your from the Island of Misfit toys. I mean, the place is done in a futuristic theme like that family skit from SNL so it's par for the course when you start dancing like a robot to Curtis Mayfield.
I just couldn't figure out what those little appetizer balls were on the table that tasted like peanut butter, so Ed and I came up with a title for them. We called them Tiny Midget Tofurky Triflin' Triffle-Turds. Somehow in our deepest of pain we still find a way to amuse ourselves.

And I had a group hug with two people that I travelled cross-country with, almost ten years ago (you know who you are). I remember because I left the day after Myles Zappa was born.
One of us from the trip is no longer in the physical world, but I know she watches over us. A couple times this year I really wanted to go wherever it is she went, but I think I'll let her keep on eye on me for a little longer while I try and get through this Passion Play.

So yea. Happy New Year and all that good stuff.