i just bought this japanese gum last night and the package reads (and i'm not joking): "lotte's superior ingredients give this gum its deliciously plus unsurpassed know-how refreshing and lasting flavor"

each individual piece reads: "hi-technical excellent taste and flavor". if anyone is more interested in cool and random stuff, they should visit this place.

going to a soc-hop tonight. this is the KOC ..where the bud runs frothy and the 3rd shelf liquor is more expensive..and the bartender with hairy hands takes your money and scoops your ice with the same hand. a feast for the senses, indeed.

have a good weekend!

the other day, my memere says to me: "i learn spanish from that sesame show..go 'head, talk spanish to me." then we proceeded to have this drawn out conversation about how hard-up nuns must be for lovin..i love my memere.

saw public enemy sans flavah flav. according to chuck-d "he's upstate right now because o' the punks!" go chuck! love him. also, through shear miscommunication, missed this show but believe i am genuinely in love with the guitar player andre. he operates an organic whole-food store AND plays the music of Frank Zappa..gawd, help me!

via a photographer friend whom i haven't met yet, i found this guy, cuba rocks my world: mark tucker.


i'm really focused right now on what i'm good at, what i'm not so good at, and what i would sincerely like to accomplish in this lifetime.

that is all.

don't want no scrubs

i think saying that i don't want a "scrub" for a boyfriend is less bigoted than my original thought, which was that men suck. i will try my best here to explain myself and apologize in advance to any male contingent that reads this and gets offended but it starts off like this:

i meet this guy who seems really cool. he goes on and on about how cool and beautiful i am. soon, i see flowers and romance, (ie, it goes down) and all of a sudden all this other emotionally intense stuff is revealed which kinda scares me and thrills me at the same time, though my head is so foggy lately i don;t know what the hell to make of it. soon, we talk on the phone everyday and our meetings because less and less bc i am getting sick of being the one to drive to his house which takes a 1/2 hour each way, bc he has no car, he's working, or he's just being lazy...so whatever, i say to myself, i just won't see him. it's his turn this time. fortunately, i have gotten better at setting limits about that shite.. i just don't do it anymore bc it always leads to one-sided relationships and well, fuck that. anywayl, his turn was up last night and lemme tell ya, it sucked.

i mean, not at first, it didn't suck. yea, he called to say he'd be late. THAT was okay. i meet him at the red-line. we talk on a park bench. he goes on about himself (as per usual). i listen (as per usual) and just try to unwind from my day . that part was actually nice. by this time, the sun had set, it was breezy and nice and i ask him a second time what he wants to do about dinner, it being about 8ish and i usually eat my salad-lunch at 12 in the afternoon..plainly stated, i was hungry. but he kept avoiding my question. said he had rice and beans that his mama made (hello, lightbulb right there!) before he left so he wasn't really hungry yet.

so we walk to my house through a field. by this time, his cell phone has rung and he's looking at it quizzically, trying to figure out who it is and mumbling to himself. i mean, that part is fine, i do the same, but generally when i am with someone in a romantic context, i try to buffer my cell phone calls as much as possible..but whatever..none of us is perfect..moving on.

we get home. i do my normal thing..feed the cat, boot my pc, change, have a beverage and now i'm having a sugar-free ice cream bar. in the meantime, he meets my roommate. everything is coming up daises right? in some bizarre attempt to be funny, he says "so you ate something, you shouldn't be hungry anymore, right? i'm like "yea.. ha ha ha"..dead pan, just like that. i'm not certain if his comment was meant to be a joke or what but i didn't appreciate it. like, when i'm hungry for dinner and not getting any feedback from the other person about what he wants to do and then he tries to tell me what i should eat...um...uh uh..NO, so i took that personally which i shouldn't have but by this point, i'm tired and sorta put off.

so we watch Bernie Mac (my man) and Sedric and I have more interaction with my roommate than him, which i think is natural. i think peeps just get shy around new ppl. Normal. Fine. During commercial, he asks my roommate for a butt, which is like whatever, I can't judge, I do that to my poor roommate too when I'm cravin the ol' social butt, but this dood is a "smoker" so it just struck me as odd that he ain't got none.

Finally, I say to Rach, let's just get chinese because I've still ain't heard any suggestions from the boy. Rach is up for it. Cool, we call and while I'm on the phone with Beijing Taste woman who thinks I'm saying 37 but I'm really saying 113, he pipes in that "yea, that sounds good' when Rach says "well, i'm getting such and such and you can have some." Then Rach goes to the restroom or something and a commercial comes on for the program that I'm now not enjoying because he looks bored and tired and has no input and it's sorta stressing me out. I start cleaning the litter box which, by this time, looks like a dump-truck full of cat poop *fun* and he comes over to me and whispers "you know i don't have any money, right?" I don't say anything. At this point, I'm hunched down scooping up shit. Then I'm like "um, ok" and he says "well, if i see you tomorrow, i can getchu back then." Bells go off in my mind..Sorry, here I need to disclaim, I was raised poor, working class and prolly have more debt than Vivendi and can certainly relate to ppl who are low on cash, but my thing is like "why you come all the way across town to hang with no loot"..all i can think is that this guy is a cheap-scrub and it turns me off, hardcore and no longer do i want him to spend the night. Like, what if I wanted to actually do something other than sitting around in my house?

So whatever, i try to let that go. The Sedric premiere is almost over. Dinner is on it's way. Rach is still doing something else. He asks me "what's wrong." I take my tactically passive-aggressive approach and say "nothing, what's wrong with you?" because I often someone equate else's transgressions as being my own fault. Then he comes over again and whispers "can you ask your roommate if i can have another cigarette." i respond "you can go by some at the store ya know ..at this point, he's trying to cuddle. he says "well, i was gonna bring $26 but i forgot it because i knew i was only coming here.."SNAP"..wtf.. i say "oh thanks, so the thought of taking me out never crossed your mind. He says something like "oh, c'mon now and i tell him to take his ghetto-ass outside and smoke the half that i left outside, that I "bummed" from my roommate. Well, the words ghetto-ass were not used, but thought.

We eat, I start getting ready for bed. Trying to do my usual ritual. He's sprawled out on my bed talking to his boy. I don't know what's being said since it's in another language. I tell him I set up the sofa bed bc I dont like sharing my bed, which is totally true. I'm a super-light sleeper and i have heard him snore already, but i'm also pretty disappointed by this point. this wasn't what i had envisioned for the evening. oh well. what can you do...

so that was that, until he woke me up at 2am bc he heard the eletronic litter box. he came into my room and in this frightened voice said "krist--een, i tink i heard a noize outsiide". it was the litter box that i had cleaned earlier that night. he left at 6 am. i think i'm destined to be alone. i think maybe ppl are nice but just haven't grown up, maybe or they just think they know that they want but their body and behaviors say otherwise. none of us wants to be alone, but sometimes that's exactly what we need.

ps. if forgot to add that the movie was watched was aptly called "From Hell" much like my date. no seriously, good flick and also had to scrub the kitchen floor bc there's some weird stain there. so that was literally two SCRUBS in one night --okay, shutting up now.

oh jesus, what a crappy primary we just had. i mean, are you one of the ten ppl who actually turned out to vote? this sucks. now we're gonna be stuck with this moderate liberal...*shivers* i mean, i actually champion the idea of on-line voting tho a friend says it would totally leave elections open to hacking, etc. i mean, yea, i can see that point, but we are getting better technologically at detecting that stuff, then again, so are hackers, but nothing could have been more botched then last year's presidential election. my point here in proposing on-line voting is this a) americans could continue to be complacent and lazy in the privacy of their own homes, but will at least be able to part-take in the democratic process (if there's such a thing left) b) on-line voting might actually get ppl to be more interested in candidates c) candidate debates could be simulcast, poll ratings, etc..we might even get more than a 1/3 of americans to participate

i mean, i dunno..seems like this system isn't working to our benefit, but if anyone can think of any better ideas, please bring 'em on. i mean, i'm registered Green Party and when i go to vote, they see the "G" next to my name and don't even know what it is. It's like "Oh, you're Green..why bother voting? Just pick from Tweedil Dee or Tweedil Dum like the rest of us!"

i mean, honestly, when it comes down to it, voting can be a real hassle. those lines, those crappy candidates. as my friend said when i asked him if he vote "no..... i'm actually voting-impaired. The whole process just confuses me." i think the majority of americans feel that way, so i propose not only changing the two-party system but making voting more accessible and efficient.

*steps off soapbox and trips*

when good IT goes bad:

scott: hey... do you want to out on the ledge with me today. I'm going to go buck naked. Then get lunch after. This afternoon we can take turns pushing each other down stairs.
me: lmfao!
me: whoo hooo.. i wore my nice gap underweyahs today
scott: how about we just walk to the hospital.. find and empty room... and just crawl into the beds and pretend to be patients in comas

me: we could play good brick/bad brick again..whattya say now?
scott: i want to be be bad brick!
scott: or do you want to play door-finger-slam_slam?
me: but we always play that, how bout something new like ice pick thumb wrestling?

also, this morning someone in my building had left a note that read the following:

Please do not steal newspapers that do not belong to you. It is a crime and a sin. Please be a good neighbor/person and don't take newspapers that aren't yours.

No doubt it sucks to have your stuff taken, but I find in ironic that they put "crime" before "sin." Like the "sin" part was just an addendum in case the thief wasn't remorseful b/c it was illegal, so they had to throw in the religious thing. Odd.

cube dreaming

I'm very disconcerted by the fact that this company hasn't in any way addressed or recognized the anniversary of Sept. 11, nor does anyone in here seem to give a shit except for Ken-Spits-when-he-talks bitching about the bomb threat in Lynn that delayed his train. So, my guess is that no one really cares or they think it to sensitive or weak to even take a moment to recognize lives lost. On that note, I'll share a quote that an old friend sent me. Made me feel comforted in some ways, but I'm finding myself tearing up a lot at my desk and wondering why it is that I'm here on this earth. And, i think it's also a good idea to try and do productive, positive things today instead of watching the garbage on TV that i got semi-sucked into last night, leaving me thoroughly depressed.

And war sucks.

I tried having a decent political convo about Iraq last night with this guy from NYC. He told me, and I quote "you better do your research" because I wasn't learned in the oil supply to England issue. At which point, I said "oh ok. thanks for enlightening me" wtf is it that I can't have conversations with "most" males w/o them trying to attack my intelligence in some way? Is it that they are threatened by me? Are they unable to comprehend why I, as a woman, would have any political knowledge, background or ..heaven-forbid--an opinion.

Yes, these are irritable times, but ya know what? I'm sort of tired of appeasing other ppl's insecurities. Like, I'm not gonna sacrifice honesty to sate you or bc you are too defensive to hear it.

That's all.

PEACE


"Though the valley of death did swallow them whole

God, let no soul die in vain

when the boundaries of peace get out of control

let the angel of mercy hold close their name."

- Michael Troy

I am craving weird things today:
1]egg salad
2]peanut butter and jelly w/o breaD
3]strawberry seeds


i know this is cheap, but if you go to dev's jn you can take part in our jubilant dialogue about Budweiser advertising. I found it amusing.